Navigating Negative Nelly

The holiday season is here and many of us are making plans to spend special time with family and friends. The thought of seeing our loved ones usually brings us joy and excitement; but sometimes, there are people we wish we could avoid altogether.

Are there any Negative Nellys in your life? Are there people you dread seeing because you know they are going to be complaining or bringing you down?

Here are a few things you can do to ensure your holidays are filled with positivity:

One idea is to set an intention of how you want to be at a gathering and what kind of experience you want to have. Your intention could be that you are going to be kind, patient, and see only the best in everyone. You may decide to focus on having fun and engaging in meaningful conversations with just a few people, or plan to make the rounds and say hi to everyone. I invite you to sit still for a few moments prior to entering the gathering and ask yourself, “Who do I want to be and what would make this a fun evening for me?” Then set your intention using the information you receive. You may need to remind yourself of your intention throughout the event.

Next, you can “bless” everyone or specific people before you walk into a party. A blessing is an energy of love and understanding. Some time ago, I worked with a VP of a bank who felt like an outsider in her workplace. She wasn’t looking forward to a work party, but she knew it would look bad if she didn’t show up, so she made the effort to go. Just before she entered the building, she paused and took a moment to genuinely bless everyone who would be in attendance. She also decided to be the person who fit in. Later, she shared with me that that night changed everything for her at work. Almost immediately, her associates began to seek her advice and asked to partner with her on projects. Her performance really took off.  Not long afterward, she was offered her dream job with another company.

Another shift you can make is to have compassion for the Negative Nelly. Often, when we know a person’s whole story, we have more understanding and compassion for them. What if you decided to have compassion without knowing their story? Even if you are familiar with their history, accept that they are doing the best they can with their level of awareness.

When we become clear on our vision and the kinds of relationships we want, and we begin to be the person living our dream and living into our vision--everything that is no longer a match for us will start to fall away. We will attract those who are in harmony with where we’re headed, and we’ll get to choose the people with whom we will spend our time.

During the holidays and in life, when you may not have a choice about who you will be around—perhaps a co-worker or neighbor—remember, we can’t change anyone; but we can change how we perceive others, and that can change how we feel. By looking for the best in others and choosing to see the spirit side of a person’s nature, we will no longer focus on their negative, human side.

Ask yourself, “How would my best-self show up here? Who do I want to be?”

Here’s to enjoying the holidays and living your dream,


PS - Would you like help getting clear on a vision for your ideal life and how to move towards it? I will be presenting a Vision Workshop on January 22nd, where I will share the formula for success. Mark your calendar now for this life-changing event. Details to follow next week.

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