What holds you back.

“Who do you think you are?”

“What will people say?”

“You should just be happy with what you have?”

Have you ever heard those comments or maybe those voices in your head?  You start to think about changing careers to something you would love - open your own business or perhaps writing that book. Then the voices start.

These voices are called paradigms.  A paradigm is a collection of our thoughts, beliefs and habits.  We are 90% habitual creatures so our paradigms run our lives.

Some of our paradigms are good and they help us but others keep us playing small.

Today I want to help you to become aware of your paradigms and how they show up. I teach a Life Mastery class where this is an important skill to develop because recognizing your paradigms is the first step towards not allowing them to stop you from reaching your goals.

When was the last time you listened to the voices in your head? A number of years ago mine were so strong and constant that I allowed them to keep me from pursuing my dream career as a Life Coach.  I only coached part time and was  always “under cover”.  It took me years to come out and be able to say I empower people to create a life they love.

The  most common ways our paradigms will show up is through the 4 D’s.

The first D is distraction.  This is just what it sounds like.  You put aside time to take an action step towards your initiative or project and then  you think, I would be much more productive if my desk were organized.   Distraction can be seductive. You may not know you were distracted until it’s an hour later and you didn’t get to what you intended. Now the time you set aside is gone. Has this ever happened to you?

Delay is the second D.  Delay is when you keep putting something off. You might think you’ll do it when… “When I have researched more”. “When I have more time.” “When I finish this then I can do that.”  When never gets here.   “Perfectionism” is a form of delay. We don’t do something until we think we can do it perfectly.  We won’t get better at anything sitting on the couch thinking about it. I love the saying that “…anything worth doing is worth doing badly at first”...   We want to be taking massive imperfect action towards our goal.

Dissuasion which is the 3rd D surfaces when you stop delaying or being a perfectionist.  Your paradigms will turn the temperature up through dissuasion,  by those voices in your head. The voices that say things like,  “who do you think you are?” “ what will people think?” Dissuasion starts by giving you the reasons why this positive trend won’t last or you can’t achieve the results you want. Or your pursuit is too risky, too bold or selfish. Does this sound familiar?  Paradigms start to talk you out of your vision or convince you to water it down and you start to believe you didn’t really want your dream.

The final D is Defcon 3. This is when your paradigms are pulling out all the stops.  They are fighting for their lives.  This is the good news because they are dying.  This is when drama shows up.  Something goes wrong and now you feel the need to give the drama all of your attention, ultimatley pulling you away from you goal. “Overwhelm” and “confusion” are also in this category.  We can’t move  forward when we can’t put one mor ething on our plate or make a decision. Then there is  fear. Fear can paralyze us and keep us from trying something new.

Fear kept me from public speaking for many years until a life changing event occurred and I said, “enough, it’s time to walk through my fears.”  I started speaking - wobbly and klunky at first, but I was doing it.

Henry David Throeau wrote “If one advances confidently in the direction of their dream endeavoring to live the life they have imagined one passes an invisible boundary.” This invisible boundary is your thinking - YOUR PARADIGMS! When you pursue a bigger life you will need to step outside of your comfort zone because that is where your growth and dream lies.  When you start to take action steps towards that life, your paradigms will surface.  If they don’t, you’re staying in your comfort zone.

I teach people specific ways to move through their paradigms. But for right now, when a paradigm comes up you want to stare it down and tell it you don’t win today.  Next, put your attention on your goal and take an action step towards achieving it.  This will tell your unconscious that you’re serious and are going to achieve your goal this time.

What paradigms are stopping you from doing what you want or becoming who you want to be?

What paradigm are you going to stare down today?

Live your dream,

P.S. Would you like help in becoming aware of your paradigms that are holding you back?  This is my specialty.  Schedule a Discovery Session below and let’s talk.

Book A Discovery Session

On this 60 minute call we'll take a look at where you are, where you want to be, what’s holding you back, and how I can support you in getting there.


  1. Debye on January 5, 2022 at 2:41 pm

    Nice arrival Cyn… Helpful
    thank you,

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