Valentine’s Day is coming soon, but we don’t have to wait for a special day to appreciate our loved ones – we can do it every day! There are many ways to express our love. Today, I will share the Six Love Supplies.
Researchers conducted a study a number of years ago involving 20,000 people. The people were of different backgrounds, ages, ethnic groups and cultures and they were asked this question: “How do you feel loved?” In essence, how is it that the experience of being loved gets through to you?
The number one answer was that people feel most loved when someone truly listens to them. When someone listens powerfully and deeply, a connection is established and experienced that almost nothing else can match. It feels so good when someone really listens to us. We feel 100% accepted for who we are. We feel encouraged and loved into being more than we know we can be.
Listening is the place where we establish this type of connection. However, most of us have not been trained in the art of listening. We may have been trained to “not talk when someone else is speaking,” but all too often, we are thinking of our response rather than actually listening.
There is a powerful energetic exchange when we, in the moment, seek to do one thing and one thing only; and that is to understand the other. When we are curious and simply seek to understand without trying to attain anything, we hold space for a loving experience that each of us can bring to the other person.
The second experience of how people most reported feeling loved is to be praised and acknowledged. We feel loved when someone notices that we did something well or that we tried something new. It makes us feel good when someone acknowledges that there is something in us that is worthy of acknowledgment and praise; and there is always something we can find to praise and acknowledge in another. Notice that the word raise is within the word praise.
The third is touch - when you reach out and put your hand on someone. When you shake someone’s hand, you are actually in the hand that is shaking with that person. When you hug your spouse or your child and you are fully present and fully engaged, that is special. But there is something different about routine touch where the hand goes to pat the child and we are not in the hand that is patting the child – that feels mechanical. A loving way of touching communicates a deep caring that is always appropriate and is always aligned with the moment. This is the kind of touch that is reported as an experience of being loved; where we feel an exchange of energy in the moment when we are being touched.
The fourth love supply is when we support each other’s dreams and goals. We feel loved when we have someone who believes for us – even when we can’t believe for ourself – that we can have our dream. This is a true partner in believing.
The fifth love supply is offering feedback. We feel loved when a person cares enough to tell us in a loving way and with loving words when they are worried that we might be off track or that we have spinach in our teeth. There is something others can see for us that we may not be able to see for ourselves. While this is one of the six love supplies, if it’s done out of balance and with even a taint of judgment, it doesn’t feel loving at all. It can feel like criticism.
But, when shared as a love supply, feedback stems from a deep caring about the other person. It’s not about making a person wrong or about being right; it’s not about changing the other person. Instead, it’s an “I love you so much that I am going to speak up about what I see.” Just as you might offer something to eat or a glass of water, you are offering feedback to them. They can choose to take it and enjoy it, or not; make use of it, or not. That’s how authentic feedback is offered.
And the sixth love supply is keeping our agreements. People feel loved when agreements are honored. We want to be careful about the agreements we make because we want to be rigorous about keeping them. When we are casual about making agreements, we put our relationships at risk. One of the integrity points of a stable, solid and deep relationship is having a foundation of agreements that are being kept. It is the integrity of our agreements that gives rise to the possibility of a lasting and fulfilling relationship.
Start to notice when you feel the most loved. Of the Six Love Supplies, which is your preference? Is there a Love Supply where you feel unskilled or perhaps you could dial up?
These are the Six Love Supplies:
- Praise and acknowledgement
- Support with our dreams and goals
- Loving feedback
- Keeping agreements
Happy Valentine’s Day!
P.S. Please share this with friends or family who would benefit from this information. If you would like a partner in believing to reach your goals this year, let’s have a conversation about how I can support you: Book a FREE Discovery Session.
Please SUBSCRIBE to my YouTube Channel!
Book A Discovery Session
On this 60 minute call we'll take a look at where you are, where you want to be, what’s holding you back, and how I can support you in getting there.